I’ve been battling with severe health problems for about 5 years now. Yet it was only two years ago that I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, a chronic pain condition which causes widespread pain across the body among other health issues. It was also discovered that the top of my spine is compressing my spinal cord, giving me numbness and tingling in my hands and feet. A weird feeling especially if you wake up and your hand is completely numb.
Bring on the many hospital appointments, tests and physio. The unsure faces you get when someone asks you what you have. Fibromyalgia looks weird on text yet even weirder when you say it out loud. A condition which most people haven’t even heard of until now. Lady Gaga’s documentary recently about the condition helped a lot of people finally understand what it’s like. Of course, most of us don’t have the resources and money she has to help, but hey it’s a start.
It took me a long time to come to terms with having Fibromyalgia, bearing in mind through high school I was athletic, played a lot of sports and yet now every day I’m in pain. Every day at some point I’m beyond exhausted. For such a drastic change in lifestyle was one of the hardest things ever to accept. Now I try to push myself out of the boundaries of this illness, taking up football again even though I’m really ill afterwards.
I want to be healthy, and I want to be normal…..
Just as I started to accept what’s happening, I’ve been hit with another curveball. Another health problem. More tests. More appointments. This time, it’s scarier and more destructive. When I look in the mirror I see a shell, I’ve lost so much weight that none of my clothes fit me anymore.
Whatever I’ve got, I’ve got to somehow accept it and push past it. Ignore the terrified feelings in my head and try to pick myself back up.
Life keeps throwing me curve balls and I have to hit them back, but not knowing what is going to happen next is a blessing and a curse.
We have to accept what’s coming and prepare ourselves for it. Try to tell ourselves that this isn’t the end of our lives even if it feels it. That we have so much more to experience and that’s what makes the waiting worth it.
Somehow I’ll figure out how to make my way through this.
Maybe just maybe, I’ll win this fight.